Learn from Failure with This Simple Practice from Arthur Brooks: The Failure Journal

We keep saying we want to grow. But then we hit the part where we don’t know what we’re doing: where the thing we tried didn’t work, where we misunderstood, misfired, missed the mark and we want out. Fast.

In therapy, in parenting, in work, in love: we talk about wanting change, but the minute failure enters the room, we either gloss over it or spiral. We minimize it (“It’s fine, I learned something!”), or we catastrophize it (“I’m a disaster, why did I even try?”). Either way, we miss the actual usefulness of it.

But failure is information. So is frustration.

When we let ourselves stay with the failure, when we don’t sugarcoat or bolt, we give ourselves access to what really happened. And this is the only place where real learning occurs.

Neuroscience backs this. Certain neurotransmitters related to attention and plasticity spike during frustration. That moment when you're banging your head against the wall because something’s not working? Your brain is wide open. But if you override it with shame, distraction, or resolution too soon, you lose the window.

This is why I’ve been loving a practice originally shared by Arthur Brooks, a Harvard professor who studies happiness (not the cheesy kind, the resilient kind). His tool is called a failure journal, and it’s not about silver linings or reframing. It’s about tracking reality.

It’s a way to stay with the thing that went wrong: not to wallow, but to actually extract what’s there. Because frustration is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign you’re in the learning zone.

The Problem with Pushing Past

We are taught to bounce back. Be resilient. Don’t dwell. But there’s a cost to that bounce, it usually comes at the expense of reflection.

When you don’t pause to see what actually happened: to metabolize the emotions, to notice what patterns showed up again, you don’t grow. You might survive, sure. But you don’t change.

Worse, you lose the nuance. Maybe the failure wasn’t total. Maybe the pain came from how high your expectations were. Or how unclear your boundaries were. Or how familiar the situation felt.

But you don’t get to any of that if your only move is to move on.

This is where the failure journal comes in. Not as a cute journaling prompt. As a practice of staying awake.

How to Keep a Failure Journal (Arthur Brooks’s Method)

1. When a failure happens: capture it.

• Write down what happened.

• What were you trying to do? What fell apart?

• Be honest. Be messy.

• Most importantly: write how it felt. Confused? Ashamed? Pissed off? Raw? Don’t tidy it up.

2. Set a reminder for two weeks later.

• Go back to the entry.

• Does it still sting?

• Has anything shifted: externally or internally?

• What are you learning about yourself from it now, with a little distance?

3. Then check in again a month later (or six weeks, or two months: make it yours).

• Has anything good emerged?

• Did this reroute you in a useful way?

• Would you approach something differently now because of this?

• Can you see how frustration or failure cracked something open that wouldn’t have moved otherwise?

Why It Matters

If you never write down the moment of collapse, you forget it. You revise history. You say it wasn’t that bad, or that you knew it all along. But when you track the failure in real time, you build something better than resilience. You build clarity.

And clarity is what lets you stop repeating the same loop.

This isn’t about glamorizing struggle or mining every painful moment for meaning. Some failures really are just painful. But some? Some are gold, buried beneath the shit.

You just have to be willing to dig.

And that starts with not looking away.

Are you interested in working on your personal development? Are you looking for a life coach or a life consultant? Are you feeling stagnant? Do you want to jumpstart change?

 My transformational approach is a process where awareness, alignment, and action work together as catalysts to create momentum for change. 

*Awareness is knowing what you genuinely want and need.

*Alignment is the symmetry between our values and our actions. It means our inner and outer worlds match.

*Action is when you are conscious that what you say, do and think are in harmony with your values.

Together we build an understanding of what you want to accomplish, and delve deeply into building awareness around any thoughts and assumptions that you may already have. To truly transform your life, I will empower you to rethink what’s possible for you.

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Learn more about my approach to life consulting and relationship coaching here or get in touch for your free 30-minute consultation here! Don’t forget to follow along @LilyManne on social for more regular updates!