Why Do We Blame Ourselves for What Our Parents Couldn't Give Us?
When children experience neglect or inconsistency from their parents, they don’t think, “Something’s wrong with my parents.” Instead, they turn the blame inward. This isn't because they're logical but because they're egocentric (naturally wired to see themselves as the center of the world). They think, “If the people who are supposed to love me and take care of me aren’t doing it, there must be something wrong with me.”
It’s a heartbreaking, unconscious conclusion. And it’s one that sticks.
Here’s why: acknowledging that the fault might lie with their caregivers is too destabilizing for a child. Parents are their foundation, their everything. To question that reliability or love feels unsafe, so the child builds their understanding of the world in a way that protects their trust in those caregivers: even if it means turning against themselves.
As adults, we carry these stories. Buried deep, they shape how we see ourselves: unworthy, unlovable, flawed. But these beliefs aren’t truths: they’re the conclusions of a scared, vulnerable little person trying to make sense of the unimaginable.
Healing means going back to that child. It’s not about erasing the pain but about acknowledging it. Comforting that younger self who felt unworthy. Saying, “You were never the problem. What you needed wasn’t given to you, but it wasn’t your fault.”
When we can bring those unconscious stories into the light, they lose their grip. We start to rewrite the narrative. And instead of blaming ourselves for what our parents couldn’t give, we learn to give ourselves what we’ve always deserved: love, understanding, and safety.
It’s not easy and it’s never too late to start.
Are you interested in working on your personal development? Are you looking for a life coach or a life consultant? Are you feeling stagnant? Do you want to jumpstart change?
My transformational approach is a process where awareness, alignment, and action work together as catalysts to create momentum for change.
*Awareness is knowing what you genuinely want and need.
*Alignment is the symmetry between our values and our actions. It means our inner and outer worlds match.
*Action is when you are conscious that what you say, do and think are in harmony with your values.
Together we build an understanding of what you want to accomplish, and delve deeply into building awareness around any thoughts and assumptions that you may already have. To truly transform your life, I will empower you to rethink what’s possible for you.
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