The House Guest

If you go to someone’s home for an afternoon, everything will shift around you a bit. People move chairs, make coffee, pause their day. You are the event. The energy tilts toward you for a short window and then bounces back once you leave.

A house guest is different. When you sleep under someone else’s roof, you are stepping into a life already in motion. People have morning patterns, work habits, moods, and quiet rituals you never see on an afternoon visit. A house guest joins the rhythm of a household.

This is not about etiquette or performing politeness. It is about noticing. When you walk into someone else’s space, the most generous thing you can do is pause and look around before you reach for what you want. A house has a pulse. The art is to feel it and not push against it.

Attuned house guests do something quiet. They observe before they act. They notice that someone is already deep in work and leave them alone. They see a child unraveling and give space. They sense pressure in the kitchen and avoid adding to it. They clean up after themselves without turning it into an attention grab. It is a kind of relational hygiene: moving in a way that does not add weight.

A draining house guest is not draining because of extra attention or a mess. They are draining because they move as if their point of view is the only one in the room. They scan for what they want next and assume the household will adjust: I am hungry. I need to work. I want coffee. I will stay another night. The home becomes a place to take from rather than a place to join. It is the presumption that their need is primary. It is simply a lack of perspective taking.

Most hosts are not keeping score about crumbs or plates. What they feel is the imbalance. The sense that the home is bending around someone who is not looking up. A good house guest does not force the host to defend their boundaries or say the thing they wish they did not have to say. They ask. They wait for an answer. They leave room for the host to say no. Everyone relaxes when the exchange feels mutual.

Holidays make this even more visible. Families share space. People cook for many. A few end up doing most of the work while others float. No one wants conflict, but the atmosphere shifts when awareness is uneven. It doesn’t have to be evenly divided. What matters is that the work is seen. When someone is cooking, cleaning, or carrying more, a simple acknowledgment keeps the system open. It gives the person doing the work a sense of choice rather than obligation. Without that sense of choice, the work hardens into forced obligation. When things are spoken, people feel appreciated. When they’re unspoken, people start to feel taken for granted.

What I tell my kids is simple. When you are a house guest, you are not there to be looked after. You are entering a life that existed before you arrived and will continue after you leave. Notice what the room needs. Clean up behind yourself. Offer something when you see someone holding a lot at once. Ask before you make decisions that affect the whole house. If you misread a moment, repair and adjust. Being a good guest is about awareness.

Sharing space is tender, even with people you love. Understanding the mechanics of what makes a visit feel nourishing instead of draining helps everyone breathe a little easier. It is a way to honor the homes you enter and leave them no heavier than when you arrived.

Are you interested in working on your personal development? Are you looking for a life coach or a life consultant? Are you feeling stagnant? Do you want to jumpstart change?

 My transformational approach is a process where awareness, alignment, and action work together as catalysts to create momentum for change. 

*Awareness is knowing what you genuinely want and need.

*Alignment is the symmetry between our values and our actions. It means our inner and outer worlds match.

*Action is when you are conscious that what you say, do and think are in harmony with your values.

Together we build an understanding of what you want to accomplish, and delve deeply into building awareness around any thoughts and assumptions that you may already have. To truly transform your life, I will empower you to rethink what’s possible for you.

__

Learn more about my approach to life consulting and relationship coaching here or get in touch for your free 30-minute consultation here! Don’t forget to follow along @LilyManne on social for more regular updates!